February 23, 2010

The Wall

Bad experiences with people. They just leave a horrible bitter taste in our mouth. They breed distrust, anger, hesitance, sadness and caution. These are nothing but bricks and cement that inevitably lead to the construction of a fierce wall. A wall of defence so strong, Terry and Puyol would be put to shame. There is no door...not even a window. We're so busy blocking out the negativity and protecting ourselves against harm, that we don't realise we're also very effectively blocking out the air, the sunshine, the view...not to mention, new visitors.

Chances are free, whether given or taken. Try it. If you are one of those few who has a newly built wall, don't let the cement dry. I know what you're thinking. "I did give people a chance again. They're all just the same. Story of my life. Now I'm done!". Wrong. Everyone is NOT the same. We think that, because after one or two of the same kind of experiences, we're subconsciously scared and waiting in anticipation for the same turn of events eventually. So, when they do happen, we try to find identical aspects and behaviour. Hence, it's just easier to group them all together and give up. We claim we're the victim of the same thing repeatedly. Truly think about it. We just tend to dwell on the similarities. We very conveniently ignore the differences between experiences. Selective memory is what it's called.

Want to be happier? You know that little rubber thing at the end of your pencil? Use it on your life's paper more often. Erase the negative thoughts and the presumptions that you base on your past experiences. Turn the page to a nice white blank sheet every time you meet a new person, before you start making notes on them. Don't pre-judge. You're going to lose out. I repeat, everyone is NOT the same. Yes, the saying "Beware of dog, he bites" does exist. But the fact is, all dogs don't bite.

When I say erase, I don't mean forget. Of course we should learn from history. Our forefathers weren't completely stupid. But the past seldom has anything to do with the next person we meet. There is a reason the 'present' lies between the past and the future, separating it. Wren and Martin knew what they were talking about. Go with it.

If we stop believing, people stop believing in us. If we stop letting people in, people stop letting us in. It is as simple as that. We don't want that. We're social beings. We need to start treating experiences like a meal at a restaurant. Take it all with a pinch of salt, and forget about it when the bill is cleared. It needs to be digested and removed out of our system before things start churning, get complicated and leave a 'mess'...if you know what I mean.

We need to understand that guarding doesn't defend. It isolates. It leads to unnecessary paranoia. This isn't protection. It's prison. If you really want to look into the past, then let it be 1990 again! Pull down that carefully constructed Berliner Mauer of yours. See what you haven't been seeing for so long. See what is outside. See who's been peeping over the wall. See who is on the other side.

Let them in.


  1. Very well written post.

    Loved your comments on the Sania Mirza Letter blog post. Refreshing and sane views and thank god for refraining from taking the "i'm a woman i have to protest mindlessly else smriti irani will feel bad" track.

    your comments and this article reminds me of the OCEAN theory in psychology -- where the basic 5 traits of a person's personality are judged as

    Openness to Experience

    Sorry if it doesn't make sense but my point is.. you seem like a person that's open to life and open to experiences -- which i guess is a good thing, right.?

  2. Thank you so much! Really flattered, and yes everything made sense :)

  3. just wanna comment on this one that its really well written and I enjoyed reading this

  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  5. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in but we're human, we like our walls, they make us feel protected. I wish there were a rulebook for something like this but there isn't. Surprisingly you strip yourself off all defenses for the ones that really matter, no judgement, no analysis, you go with the flow and see where it takes you.

    The human body is chaotic..has a mind of it's own, the process of digestion can take it's own sweet time, depending on what you're trying to let go off but it does, eventually does and then you go out and sample something else, it may not taste as good as what you ate in the past but hell you're going try it none the less.

    It's the happy..."right now" that matters