November 24, 2009

The Seductress

Love and trust. Time and time again, people state completely contradictory things about them. People say they go hand in hand. Love is often referred to as blind, simple, eternal, necessary, complicated, hard, overrated etc.. I think it just depends on which situation you are in. If you're in a loving 4 year long relationship, you're going to think it's bliss, even when it's complicated because, then you look at the positive aspects more than the negative aspects. People, who're single, and trying to find that one person to connect with, but continuously keep falling on their faces, would say love is fictional, or hard to find. People who've been cheated on, in love, the cynic in them would call it overrated or non-existent. They conveniently forget, it did exist... at least from their side.

According to me, love is as simple or as complicated as YOU make it. You really do have the power and control over it... to a certain extent. When I say love now, I guess I mean relationships. But right now, I want to dwell on this topic that has baffled me for ages now. I’m talking about the whole concept and complication of the 'other woman'. Popularly known as the seductress. People love to hate her. But no one knows the real her. It is really her fault all the time? Was there ever any love anyway? Is there love now? If yes, where is the love? Whose fault is it? Who is to blame? Is there just one victim? The way I see it, the typical pattern is…

Man loves woman.

Woman loves man.

Man loves other woman.

Woman hates woman.

It's inevitable. She just chooses to hate the other woman, because it's easier than hating the man she loves. She just takes the easy way out. She refuses to see logically even for a minute. She just wants to defend her man. The same man who actually hurt her. She might discover clues, hints, signals... of things that he's doing which prove he's cheating on her, but no, he is flawless. After all he is the man she loves. This is when love is actually blind.

When after the obvious happenings, god forbid, she does discover he's been unfaithful; she tends to follow the following pattern:

Step One: She tries and thinks of what SHE did wrong.

Step Two: She blames herself.

Step Three: She tried to justify what he did

Step Four: She makes excuses FOR him.

Step Five: She blames the OTHER woman.

Step Six: She concludes that all of it is the temptress’ doing.

Step Seven: She hates her for life.

End of cycle.

Even during so many steps, not once does she 'step' into the other woman's stilettos, and stop to think why another woman would even want to be a third person. Maybe she didn't know about the girlfriend/wife, maybe she did, but the guy told her he didn't love his wife/girlfriend anymore (which is a stupid line to fall for, by the way), or maybe she was told he was ending it soon (Haha.. fat chance!), or just maybe he did tell her about the relationship and she actually told him not to cheat, or to stop what he was doing because it wasn't the right thing, and talked him into going back to his lady, but he still made the choice of his own accord. Ever thought of any of that? After a certain extent, the so-called 'vixen' is obviously going to stop thinking for the man, pursue her feelings and make herself happy. It's his life after all and he made the decision. The way I see it, all 'fault' signs point in the direction leading to the man!

But, women just find it easier to blame it on the bitch who's a stranger. This just gives the men the perfect chance to take advantage of the situation and blame the other woman as well, and behave like, he's always and forever going to be in love with the girlfriend/wife, and he didn't want this third person in the first place. It was all HER... and her strategies, temptation, seduction, brain washing and witchcraft. Convenient exit sign guys. Good job.

So clearly, the woman in the relationship is a victim of lying, cheating, betrayal...infidelity. The other woman is a victim of unnecessary hatred for life, shame and guilt. There's high probability that even after being led on, used and actually falling for the person she thought might very well be the love of her life, she won't even get the man, while the couple lives happily ever after. All of this, for no fault of her own.

As for the man? Is he a victim? Yes he is, he's a victim of guilty pleasure, the adrenaline, the thrill... basically, he's just your average male.

So the way I see it, there are only two victims in the situation. The women. When that obvious fact has been established, shouldn't the women start thinking practically, and dump the goon who had no will power? Isn't it the only thing that makes sense? But instead, they start hating, or worse... competing for the man. Which man? The cheating bastard. Wow. What a shiny trophy that one is. Seriously, how dense do women have to be, not to see it's the man's fault? Haven't they heard Shakira and Beyonce sing about their 'Beautiful Liar'? How much more convincing does one need? It's clear. He doesn't deserve either of them. Do they not know, that irrespective of who gets him, it might not be for too long, until another woman enters the picture? A tiger never changes his stripes.

When is the other woman going to realise, she is going to lose anyway. She probably never DID have him. She fell for him, just like his wife probably did, and is in nearly the same position, for no reason. She should’ve just seen this coming. I know, I know, easier said than done.

More importantly, when is the wife/girlfriend going to come to terms with the fact that it IS in fact, the man to who is to be blamed. It isn't the other woman’s fault. She just fell in love, like everyone normally tends to, everyday, all around the world. She was probably in too deep without knowing any better. She doesn’t want you feeling the way you are. She can feel your pain. This wasn’t what she intended. It’s not just you who didn’t want this. She didn't want this too you know. Ever thought for a second that, for the person you blatantly call the 'other woman', the 'other woman' might be you?


  1. I don't agree San. Fine, if she didn't know about the girlfriend/wife, then it's a different situation. Though, if she knew about them, then she should've just walked out of the man's life. She isn't a victim here, she made the choice and she should be blamed.

  2. Let me start by saying, I've just stated my opinion, because it's my blog :) Having said that, you should know, that no man lets out that he is committed to the other woman, until it's too late.

    In the 5% of the time, that he maybe does, you should understand, that HE is the one in a commitment, HE is the one responsible for his girlfriend/wife, HE is the one in the relationship. It's his responsibility completely. What you're saying is like saying, the alcohol is to blame, and not the drunk guy :)

  3. The guy obviously should be blamed, no doubt about that. But the other woman isn't really a victim either. I know you're stating your opinion, I was just stating mine.

  4. I know it takes two to tango but one of them is definitely responsible for taking the lead and if any of them is sensible the smartest thing to say would be, 'Back Off' ...obviously if the guy lied about his relationship status, then that's a different scene.

  5. Theres truth in every word of this post xx

  6. Nice one Sanchita...
    really nice and its just the truth...only truth

    The prob wit women i feel is they take the easy route only coz they dnt wanna admit the fact tht they fell for the wrong to cover tht up they support the guy...coz they dnt wanna accept the fact tht the guy they trusted to hide their own mistake they cover it up

    Was nice readin ur blog...keep em comin...similar to my thoughts but i could never pen em down