December 02, 2008

You Are Not Alone

Who knew having a love-life was so complicated? Maybe I did, maybe you did, and maybe we all did. We just choose to ignore that fact and still pursue it....Wondering, wishing, praying that this time it's real. That we are an exception.

We still choose to give it a try, give it a chance... until it blows up in our face again. Leaving us red-faced and embarrassed. Then the self-interrogation begins...

How could I have ever believed that?

How could I have said that?

Was that really me?

Why did I do that?

What did that really mean?

What was their reason?

Why does this always happen to me?

In the past year or two, if you’ve asked yourself any of those above questions, you’re not alone.

I say this confidently because for the past few months, whoever I talk to, whoever I meet, each and every one of them have a problem pertaining their love life. When did this ‘love’ even get a suffix of ‘life’ to it? I think the suffix should have just been limited to things like ‘Work-life’, ‘Family-life’....maybe even ‘After-life’!

Giving it to a word like love just makes people think they need to be working on having a ‘love-life’ and not just pure love. Now it’s an aspect which one can’t ignore. The damage has been done.

Questions like ‘How is life?’ has been replaced with ‘How’s the love life?’ and even more scandalous is the question ‘How’s the Mrs. Doing?’ which has been replaced rather crudely with ‘How’s the Mistress doing?’.

Nothing is sacred anymore. Is this the 21st century everyone looked forward to? I’d rather go back to not having a mobile phone (which is a major port for illicit love affairs might I add), but having sanity in a world where one was made for another and even if they weren’t, they made it work. The same cannot be said for people now who are deeply in ‘love’.

On the way to a mall, a friend and I had a conversation one day in the car. At the end of it, we came to the conclusion there is no winning against today’s generation. Irrespective of the relationship they share or the ‘trust’ and love, people cheat. It’s a known fact. Some people knowingly do, because they WANT to...and some just because of situations, alcohol, or another equally lame excuse. People, who are happily married, are so, because they don’t know about the other’s infidelity. Like they say ignorance is bliss. I’m not being cynical and generalising when I say this. There still must be that lucky couple in the few hundred for who love actually exists. I dedicate this very line in my blog to them, and congratulate them for their success.

But, let me move on by saying, 1:100 is still a troubling ratio. Of course like I mentioned earlier, we will still pray we’re the 1 and what’s more, we’ll believe we’re that 1 too. That 1 is what we want to be, but if all 99 believe we’re that 1, that’s 99 of us getting hurt eventually.

For years, I’ve believed that people go through totally different experiences, and have completely different issues. I see the error of my ways. Of course, again, I talk about our love lives. They are all the same. Everyone has the same issue, the same problem, the same sorrow, the same joy. Either its infidelity, in-decisiveness (between 2, maybe even 3), too many expectations, possessiveness, long-distance, one sided efforts or family issues. Again, if your love-life has not had the above issues, you need to pat yourself for being the ‘1’ out of those poor hundred souls.

Something else that totally bothers me is this so called space age ‘honesty’. Honesty is overrated. Someone screws up. They confess. They come out ‘clean’. That’s honesty. Seriously? I mean seriously?

When did the meaning change?

I remember honesty meaning, not lying about feelings, coming clean about them in the first place (without screwing up). I know that would hurt, but are we truly consoled by the fact that our screwed up counterpart is frank, honest, open and true? Isn’t it a bit too late for that?

The only other word more overrated than ‘honesty’ is ‘sorry’. I can just imagine you either smiling in agreement, or nodding your head as you read that. We’ve all said it, but when it comes to huge mistakes, is ‘sorry’ really enough? In today’s time, we want more. We want the clichéd ‘Actions to speak louder than words’.

This scares me. For me, even saying all this is freaking me out. This is how cynical and paranoid today’s ‘love’ has made me. I look at my parents and not even for a second do I wonder whether the love is a facade. Heck, I look at MOST parents of my peers and feel the same. That was the era Shakespeare and Jane Austen wrote about. That’s the time when great love poems were scribed. That’s when ‘Till death do us apart’ was not just a reality TV show.

Now anyone younger than thirty five, holding hands, walking along a beach, laughing. I look at them and the following things come to mind...

‘Are they really that happy?’

‘Did he just look at another girl?’

‘Must be siblings for sure’

‘Haha.. Little do they know...’

This is truly disturbing. We’re supposed to be the future. If WE, the future want to go back in time when things were simpler, this is signs of the so-called ‘progress’ we’ve made not being exactly that. All we can really do, and I personally hope to do is keep faith to a reasonable extent. Like a really close friend of mine once told me:

“We can’t control the future, all we can do is go with the flow, but always and only be prepared for the worst. Let the best be a surprise”. Very wisely said indeed.

In the meantime, while waiting for our ‘love’ we can just be consoled by the fact that it doesn’t just always happen to us and it can be worked on. So the next time you ask someone how their love life is, and they hesitate for a bit, or give you a strained smile, just smile and say, “You’re not alone”.

13 comments:

  1. true, all we do is go with the flow :)

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  2. I like :) and can definitely relate to it!

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  3. wow sanchita its amazingly well said...i dont think ders anything uve left out..uve really dwelled deep into the minds of all of us and i most definately relate to all of it!!
    but as u said were all hoping dat were da 1 in 100 keeping faith and hoping agaist all odds that we will find "da one" person dat will keep us happy coz at da end of the day were all insearch of happiness even if it is jus superficial.~roxy~

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  4. Hmm although.. Coming clean after screwing up is confession.. More than it being honesty.. You only confess when you're guilty.. And i completely agree that sorry is overrated.. But what else do you say when you've screwed up so bad that nothing can fix it? What actions can fix it? (I'm actually looking for an answer!!)

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  5. Well, coming clean is the only way to go, i agree.
    I just mean, it's happening a bit too much now, because people think 'coming clean' is the way to fix it. :)

    Well according to me, what you CAN do to fix it, is like I said, not 'say' your sorry, but actually 'be' sorry, and make sure your actions prove you are. Work towards making up whatever you did wrong...
    Sometimes it takes an hour, a day, a week.. sometimes years. All we can do is try. :)

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  6. Beautifully expressed..but yeah its the whole generation to blame..the culture..the niceness..n all of it..but then again we all have gr8 times with those we love & cherish those memories n even though it was not long lasting im sure we all treasure how we felt then & we did love the feeling of being loved & of loving & giving.So we'll keep falling for it :) All for love!

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  7. I completely agree. I mean, i look at our parents, and see how good they hold 'unconditional love' they had professed to each other. People nowadays have such low or no tolerance level. If things don't work out they move on.

    Its sad.
    But well said, it hits the chord.

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  8. fantastic......theres nunin else left!!!!
    more than the generation to blame its the pace at which we're movin...of havin OPTIONS rather than solutions!!!!
    true love they say only waits!!!

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  9. its so real.. n i don think der's ne1 who cant relate to this.. its amazin..

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  10. Very real, Something Everyone can realte to!
    Very Carrie Bradshaw.

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  11. Thank you so much everyone. I'm really glad to get such positive reactions from all of you. :) My job of conveying what I had to, nearly done. Thank you.

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  12. Sealed Approved.
    After a lot of despondancy, there is reason for hope.
    Keep writing.
    Cheers
    Sanjay

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  13. Alongside the deserved plaudits, which are richly deserved, I'd like to put in my two bits herein. I believe that our generation is slightly intolerant (you can see my effort to remain understated) and that is a result of the abundant choices that we are faced with. The fact, that we can't do with somebody is perhaps not as bad as our inability to find that someone we can't do without (again a function of choices). Its a hit & miss, tip and run game, wherein, love blooms and dies with dazzling speed. The funny thing that strikes me, is that most of my generation says the same thing, and yet, tragically, contributes to its malady...

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